Well, this run had been a long time coming, between failing week 6 run 2, fixing that and then going back to re-run week 6 days 1 & 2 again to get over a back injury, I finally ran out of excuses and had to grow a pair and get out there and DO IT!

I’ve been living the waking nightmare of a new puppy for the last week and a half and it’s been full-on, to say the least. The opportunity of getting out of the house and not dealing with the darling little fluff-ball for 45 minutes filled me with so much joy I practically skipped to the park.

In terms of mental preparation, just the usual run every 5 minutes at a time, don’t go too fast, just focus on the running NOW, not 20 minutes from now, tomorrow or the next run. Right here, right now in the words of Fatboy Slim. The park was oddly full of teenagers not sure why I’d run the 7pm slot a few times last week and there were none to be seen it was just families. Maybe the Pokemon were out in force, who knows. It didn’t matter I had 25m of running to get done.

So off we go, Laura gave all the same warnings, go slow, don’t stop just keep moving (echoed by Sia 5 minutes later). Laura chimes back in at 5 minutes, I’m not even breathing hard everything is well under control, nice slow steady pace, it looks like I have really found a running rhythm finally.

Into the 2nd 5 minutes, seems to be going well apart from going on a bit, then Laura chimes in with you are now halfway (12 and half minutes) hang in there. Very clever I see what you did there and it worked. The negative voice that was whispering “ONLY halfway” shut up instantly. I was at the 15-minute mark in no time, I had found myself running periodic status checks every few minutes, that went:

• legs – good, feeling a bit heavy at this point but fully functional
• feet – nothing major, maybe some slight numbing in the right foot
• stomach – no problems, amazing, not a twinge or any sign of the ever-present threat of nausea
• lungs – starting to breath harder, slow it down a tad, still under control

Laura chimed in at the 20-minute mark, I’d hoped she wouldn’t because I knew I would take it as a cue to come up with new reasons to quit. But I couldn’t believe it a quick mental status check still came back all systems go.

I’d finally reached a point where even my brain was having to admit that there really was no reason to stop running, a complete mindset change. I was no longer wondering if I could make the next 5 minutes but instead asking what could stop me running the next 5 mins. A total game-changer, no more negative thoughts, no more visions of nightmares to come. I was just running and I could definitely run for another 5 minutes.

Rather annoyingly a fellow jogger overtook me at the 23-minute mark, my first thought was the usual negative “see a proper runner” and then I noticed he wasn’t sweating at all, he’d obviously just started, I was already 23 minutes ahead of him, slacker. I floated on …

With 60 seconds to go Laura chimed in again, I was very tempted to up the pace and finish the last 60 seconds quicker, but deep in energy management mode I correctly decided to just bank this one. I’ve got 3 more of these runs next week, plenty of time to experiment with leaving it all on the field in a spectacular sprint finish.

It was over, Laura chimed in with congratulations and then added: “I think we can say you’re a runner at this point”. Yes! FINALLY, where’s my medal? I’d have to say this is the first session where the burden of proof had shifted, from “you can’t do this, there’s no proof you can do this” to “i can do this, where’s the proof I can’t do it”. Not only did I do it, I didn’t have to wreck myself to get there either, in fact, I think I could have made 30 minutes if I really had to (e.g. outrunning a tiger, catching an ice cream van etc).

I’d added a few more “inspirational” tracks to the running playlist as I was starting to get bored of Sia’s demands to keep on running, effective as they were:

Where is My mind? – Pixies

A question I often ask myself when running and an excellent running track. Especially on this run, it kicked in about 15 minutes in and I used the lyrics for my own purposes:

With your feet in the air and your head on the ground
Try this trick and spin it, yeah
Your head will collapse
But there’s nothing in it
And you’ll ask yourself

Where is my mind
Where is my mind
Where is my mind
Way out in the water
See it swimmin’

Basically a reminder to just focus on running, no other thoughts, stay in the moment. Way out in the water in my head was way out in this run and still, swimmin = still running.

Float On – Modest Mouse

I really like this track, I heard it on some advert a few months back and it got added to my general playlist, and now promoted to the primetime running playlist. I particularly liked the rhythm of it, as it seems to match my own natural pace. particularly the chorus:

And we’ll all float on okay
And we’ll all float on okay
And we’ll all float on okay
And we’ll all float on anyway, well

Pretty much speaks for itself, I’m trying to literally float around this field and it’s going to be okay.

Alright, Already
And we’ll all float on alright
Already we’ll all float on alright
Don’t worry even if things end up a bit
Too heavy we’ll all float on alright

And a reminder that even when my legs get heavy we are all just going to keep on floating, ALRIGHT! ALREADY!

So onto week 7 and three more 25 minute runs, I won’t make the mistake I made at week 5’s 20 minute run of thinking it will be easy. It won’t, but there’s far more evidence suggesting I’m going to succeed than fail.

Run Rating : 

I ended up re-running week 6 day 1 and 2, as I managed to put my back out at the weekend. We were picking up a new puppy (Archer – see other posts) and the plan was we were going to train him to go in an outside doggy toilet. So I got up early on the Saturday Delivery-Day and spent 3 hours digging and generally getting his latrine sorted. We then went down to Folkestone picked him up and as I went to get back in the car something in my back when twang. By the time we got home my back was spasming at the slightest provocation and I was reduced to shuffling around after the new puppy.

We had family round (it was the day of the England quarter finals in the World Cup) for a BBQ and I was struggling to move around let alone deal with a new puppy that needed picking up every few minutes. So it took a couple of days before I could move around without my back complaining. So between that and the demands of a new puppy it was almost a week before I could get back to running. The interesting thing is I wanted to get out and run, partly I suspect because I was cooped up with a furry terror for 24 hours a day (he can’t go out until he gets his second set of jabs, which is another 4 weeks – so we are both grounded).

I had left off at W6R3 and I thought (after a week out) I had better ease myself back into it, rather than go straight to the 25m run. It was a pleasant Friday evening run around the local park, it had been warm during the day but there was a cool breeze by this point that made it nice and fresh. I always assumed come the evening the park was full of drug dealers and teenagers up to no good, there have been a few stories in the past, but in reality on a delightful summer evening it was full of families out with their kids, the usual dog walkers and a number of OAP’s.

Week 6 – run 1 (12/07/2018)

I fired up the app and setup W6R1 again (5m+8+5m) and shoved my regular running playlist on. I was hardly breathing hard after the first 5 minutes, I had ensured the pace was very slow to ease myself in. Recovered in probably less than 30 seconds. Onto the 8 minutes run, and found an even longer route around the park, making a lap now closer to 12 minutes at my current pace by my estimation.  Again paced myself and was happy to get through to the last minute in good form, I was actually enjoying it. It took about a minute and half to recover. Onto the last run another 5 minutes, easy in fact picked a route that was a little more uphill to try and make it harder for myself.

Two weeks ago I had run this same session and it had been a living hell, today it was probably one of the best runs I’ve had and I honestly enjoyed it. What changed? It wasn’t my physical capabilities if anything I’d probably gone backwards in the last week. Better pacing for sure made a huge difference, if I compare the two runs that’s a big factor. Over confidence was the main problem in the previous run, this time I was confident but I was also super critical that I didn’t hurt myself doing it. That seemed to make a huge difference.

Run Rating : 

Week 6 – run 2 (14/07/2018)

I re-ran W6D2 (2x10m) in the baking midday heat on the Sunday, with a new puppy to take care off I take my chances to run where I can. I popped up to the local park, lots of people out all of them in the shade of the trees. The first 10 minute run was pretty easy, generally getting out to 8 minutes before getting a bit panty. Recovered within the first minute of the 3 minute walk The second run I got to about 6 minutes before I started to feel it. The last couple of minutes were very slow in comparison to my earlier pace. but whatever it takes.

My running form continues to improve, I noticed a few times that I had a nice rhythm that was very easy to just keep going without a lot of mental or physical effort. I still find it helps to break these runs down into 5 minutes sections and just tell myself to run that 5 minutes.

I still get negative “why not quit” thoughts but it’s easier to ignore them the more times you do the same distances. These thoughts are generally at their worst at the start of the run and they tend to elude to how far it is and how difficult it will get. it’s fairly easy to ignore them when you can get to 8 minutes without struggling. I tend to just go back to focussing on now.

My feet don’t hurt anymore in the walks between runs which is a major bonus. I still get a touch of nausea, in this case in the last 2 minutes of the second 10m run, I take it is a sign I’m digging deep, on longer runs it’s a danger sign and something I’ll need to actively manage,  i.e. I shouldn’t be digging deep when there’s a lot of time still to go. much better to slow down and back off.

The next run is W6D3 a 25m straight run. Should be interesting, I’ve still got a mental block when it comes to these “long” runs, I’m honestly not convinced I can do it. But I definitely should be able to get to the 20 minute mark and I’m hoping having got there I’ll have enough to push on for another 5 minutes.

I feel like this is the last hurdle, todays run was the last with breaks in the program and like a reluctant horse approaching a big jump I keep balking at it. I need to get my shit together and get used to it, it’s the new norm from next week, just like 1, 3, 5, 8, 10 mins all became norms.

Run Rating : 

I came too around 6:30am and my first conscious thought (other than I need a pee, yeah I’m at that age) was I need to run today. Followed by the realisation that the sooner I got it done the less time I’d waste worrying about it, I crawled out of bed, threw on my running gear and headed to the local park. A glorious summer morning, not too warm yet and a slight breeze perfect running conditions.

Walking up to the park, I replayed the last session. I told myself this was going to be bloody hard, it was not going to be fun and I would at least do more than 14 minutes. I mentally broke the run down into 4 x 5 minutes in my mind. The thought of the next 25m run raised its head and I angrily stamped it down, I was here to run today’s run. Not a marathon.

The local park was strangely busy, I had been here a few times now and this was the busiest I’d seen it. So this is where all the fit people are, they are in the park at seven in the morning. There were several runners, wannabes like myself and even a couple of real runners. One lady, who looked like she was part antelope passed me and I was envious of her gliding effortless pace. In spite of her stature, she was running at a truly stunning speed, very close to what I would consider a sprint. I put it out of my mind and got my head down.

The first 10 minutes weren’t going to be too much of a problem I knew that, I focussed in on the moment, just keeping my form and not thinking. I noticed a few of the runners were running a longer path around the park, I hadn’t even spotted, which also had the benefit of being in the shade. That extended the run around the park from about 5 minutes a lap to close to 8, my brain was already doing the math’s to calculate where I had to get to too stop.

I got to the 8-minute mark and was starting to feel it, so I just eased back a bit. Laura chimed in with 60 seconds to go and I tried not to take it as a cue to change anything. Just keep the same pace. At the 10 minute mark, I was ok. I realised at about a minute into the 3-minute walk that my feet weren’t hurting. They usually kill me in these walks, this time however pretty much nothing. Well, that was progress. I was recovered by the 90-second mark and took the remaining 90 seconds to get some deep breaths in and stretch a bit in my walking.

The 10m run starts and all I’m thinking is get to 5 minutes at least that would be better than last time. Constantly trying to keep a slow steady pace and not waste any effort. The 5-minute mark came surprisingly quickly, I had to remind myself I was here to run today not tomorrow and keep putting the 25m run out of my mind.

The last 5 minutes I was under no illusions was going to be tough. My breathing was slowly spiralling out of control and my legs were getting heavy. My brain had calculated the likely finish line and it was far on the other side of the park.

Before coming out for the run I had watched a news bulletin about 12 Thai kids (and their coach) stuck deep in a flooded cave, the story had been running for a few days after the miracle that they had been found. This mornings update was all bad news, a Thai Navy Seal had died delivering oxygen to the slowly suffocating kids buried 4km underground. And here I was on a lovely sunbathed morning, sucking in fresh air thinking I was in hell, f**** me!

I got to to the 8-minute mark and knew I had done it. I also knew the next 2 minutes was going to be unpleasant, my breathing by this point was very much like the noise of a chugging steam train. The last-minute as advertised was not fun but I was still berating myself for thinking “I” was having a tough time. Pussy!

I had finished it. Yes, it was tough but in the BIG scheme of things, it was a walk in the park. I was annoyed again that I had failed it the first time, more annoyed than on the day. A firm reminder that this was very much a mental game with some physical elements.

Of course, I didn’t even get to the gate before the thought of the W6R3 – 25m run was back, I wish I could just somehow celebrate the moment, these small victories. With the exception of the 20m run, my only thought after every run is “right, what’s next”. Actually, it’s probably a good thing because the only time I ever did give myself a pat on the back I managed to convince myself I was Mo Farah.

Here we are again. I’ve read that the brain has an extraordinary ability to find patterns in things. But for some reason in this instance it can’t join up the dots, this is the same mindset at the start of every new run and every time I’ve found a way. Every single time! So why am I sitting here writing this convinced it’s impossible.

Walking back I’d almost convinced myself I should re-run today, you know to build up more stamina, get more metres under my belt. Which is utter nonsense, it is better to try and to fail than not to try at all, I won’t be beaten before I even make the field. So the next run will be W6R3 and we’ll see what is out there, ideally, it will be only me running.

Music-wise today I went with my “running” playlist of inspirational tracks, I’ve commented on all of them before so nothing new here I’m afraid. Although that bloody Flames track by Sia still stands out at the moment for being on message.

Run Rating : 

 

Well today I finally failed a run. I’d like to say it was because of fatigue, a stitch, physical injury or illness but the fact of the matter is I just gave up at the 14 minute mark. I just stopped running.

I had decided to go back to the country park (after the frustration of the last session along the river), and I was feeling pretty positive about JUST running 2×10 minutes as I did my extended once round the field warm up.

As usual I mentally broke the run up into 4×5 minute runs and completed the first 10 minutes in reasonable form. Again I think I probably set off too quickly although not as quickly as in the last session. I think there’s an over confidence that comes with the improvement in overall physical fitness. It took almost the full 3 minutes of the walk to fully recover which was a little longer than usual.

I was about 3 minutes into the second run when my inner demons finally found a way to undo me and it came in the form of one simple but insidious question “Do you think you can do the next 25 minute run”. Rather than dismiss the thought (like all the others) this one took root. No I don’t think I can do it, 20m was incredibly hard and I’ve struggled ever since on simpler runs, this running isn’t getting any easier. And as simple as that they (“I”) had beaten me, I couldn’t even see the point of struggling through the last 6 minutes of this run even though I was more than physically capable.

So I stopped, walked the remaining 6 minutes around the field and headed back, analysing why this time?, why this question? it was after all no different to the 20m question a week earlier. I can’t say I was angry or even upset, I was annoyed yes, I’d let myself down. And that’s when I realised, THAT was the problem I wasn’t angry, I should be furious, somewhere post the W5D3 – 20m run I had lost the passion to see this through.

Earlier runs I was in no doubt each run was a fight and it was fight I was ready to take on. My mental state going into each run was “I don’t think I can do this but I’m going to leave it all out on that field before I admit defeat”. Somehow I’d become complacent, I’d convinced myself post W5D3 that I was no longer going to have to fight, that I would just dance around the field without a care in the world.

I hadn’t approached these last two runs thinking I could fail, I went into them thinking they would be easy. The reality of course is there are NO easy runs if you are pushing yourself, there never will be. This is when I finally realised the truth, I had been beaten by my own lie to myself, I’d bought into my own bullshit so convincingly I’d given up the fight.

Back in the interrogation room I got called out and I knew it. How did I answer the 20m question this time last week, simple I didn’t answer it, when it came up (several times in run W5D1&2) I simply put it out of my head and focussed on what I was doing. Today I entertained the question for a split second, why because I was lying to myself and the interrogator (me) knew it – I had no defence. At 14 minutes in, this run wasn’t easy it was nasty and the next long 25 minute run will be far worse. I need to accept that, stop this nonsense about easy runs and just start sucking it up.

So between now and the re-run of W6D2 I’m going to need to get my shit together (Morty sums it up best), reset and get back to going into each run like it’s a fight, starting with undo’ing this failure:

The music on today’s run was from a 200+ track vaguely “Rock” playlist I shove on when I can’t be arsed to figure out something to listen to, and as always there were a couple of tracks that pretty much summed up the session nicely.

The Chain – Fleetwood Mac

Fleetwood Mac’s the Chain. There is nothing I can add that hasn’t already been said about this classic track, apart from my interpretation of the lyrics when running. This kicked in at the start of the 2nd 10 minute run:

 

Well I was feeling the wind, still a bit blowy out here. Running in the shadows, damn the light – I realised I was running along in the midday sun when I could be running in the cooler shade under the trees, idiot. Damn your lies, was a negative thought, the lies I told myself including the big one, that this would be easy.

 

If I don’t love running now, I won’t ever love running again. Never break the chain, yes obviously I was using this to mean I wouldn’t fail this run and break my successful chain of runs. The twisting of these lyrics were a crack in my will, and a sign of my impending failure only minutes later, i.e. I honestly believed the chain would break in the next run, so what was the point.

The legendary guitar solo that makes up the second half of this track didn’t help either, after the rocky music nothing is going to get the old adrenaline pumping. More wasted energy at this point of a run.

Wonderwall – Oasis

Another classic track, this kicked in just after I stopped and Liam pretty much did what he does best and showed his Mancunian disdain for my failure:

 

Today is the day I failed, I should have realised by now what I have to do to complete these runs. I clearly haven’t. Don’t believe that …body, my body is never happy after the first 3 minutes. I don’t believe anybody feels the way I feel about me now mate. Failure!

 

Everyone is going to know I failed (like I care), the fire in my heart is most definitely out. I never had a doubt I’d fail at some point. Alright Liam I get it …. just f**** off now!

Paint it Black – The Rolling Stones

I know that people who read this are going to start thinking I’m just adding these tracks at a later date to suit the situation, I swear I’m not, I don’t know if a higher power is in charge of shuffle on my playlists or if it’s just that I twist any lyrics to the moment. But even I scoffed when Liam’s beratement was replaced with of all tracks Paint it Black, yeah just about right.

 

No words at this point, even the bloody sun has gone behind the clouds.

And that was W6D2, on paper the simplest run in the program as far as I can see, and I managed to fail it, and even more frustratingly I didn’t fail it just doing this run I failed it worrying about the next run. I was most definitely not in the now, I was in some imaginary hell sometime in the future.

Well that will stop, it’s time to knuckle down, get back to focussing on one step at a time (not some bullshit possible future) and start getting MAD!

Run Rating : 

Well I’ve been looking forward to this run all weekend, now I know I have 20m in the tank I was ready to take on the world, this mornings 2×5 + 1×8 runs would at best stretch my legs. I decided to change the venue to run along the river, a popular route for cyclist’s and runners on what turned out to be a blisteringly hot Monday morning. I’d walked/cycled the route enough to know there was generally a stiff breeze which I hoped would keep me cool.

Well, I managed to turn a lovely morning into running hell again, billy big bollocks thought he would up the pace to try and gain that extra 1mph (see Jogging vs Running) that would make him a runner (as opposed to a jogger). The first 5 minute run wasn’t too bad, I did have to dial it back at the three minute mark and the last 30 seconds was getting a bit testy, but no worries 3 minutes to recover. Recovered in just under 2 minutes, my feet where killing me even more than usual and it took the full 3 minutes for them to stop aching.

On to the 8 minute run and I realised 2 minutes into it, I was struggling, badly! Physically yes I taken a bit more out of my legs than usual, but that wasn’t the problem. Mentally my inner demon’s were wingeing about the fact this was meant to be easy, replaying the lies I had told myself over the weekend about gliding along without effort, now that of course I was a runner.

The realisation came crashing in that last week counted for very little right now, that the remainder of this 8 minute run was going to be as tough as any run I had ever done was in many respects a tougher truth to digest than the epic 20m run on Friday. I was back in the interrogation room and I didn’t even know how I got back here? Worst still that cool breeze was doing little to keep me cool and was in danger of blowing me backwards

There were several points I was going to quit, telling myself “it just wasn’t my day. I could try again tomorrow“, and I came very close to accepting that. More so than any run I’d done to date. The only thing that kept me going was the fact I hadn’t quit any session, so was this really going to be that moment? Or could I hang on just another minute, just another few metres. So metre by metre, one long minute at a time I dug in and just tried to keep going. My pace by this point was as slow as it’s ever been, my form was gone, it just turned into an uncontrolled slog and one I was failing to mentally manage. Instead of focussing on the running I was entertaining all the aches/pain/nausea, it was hopeless!

I managed to get through what I’m convinced is the longest 8 minutes of my life, and I was spent. It took the whole 3 minutes to get my breath back. I’m not sure I had 5 minutes left in me by the time Laura was demanding it, but I new I had at least 2-3 minutes and so I pushed on at a very slow pace. Which is just another lie I tell myself, I know if I can get to within 2 minutes of finishing I’m not going to quit, to fail at the last is the worst kind of failure.

When it was over I was under no illusions that there is never going to be an easy run, and if I don’t treat each one with respect I’m going to end up kicking my own arse. And now I know why week six dials it back, it looks like an anomaly on the progression chart but it’s a safety net to catch the over confident idiots like myself. Another lesson learnt the hard way.

I usually detail the music I find helps when running, today’s run I fancied something a bit upbeat and shoved Rae Sremmurd’s SremmLife 2 album on (yeah I’m down with the kids). I had heard Childish Gambino’s – This is America over the weekend and I thought it sounded a lot like Rae Sremmurd, so I thought I’d review. It’s a great album I can totally relate to it as a middle aged white guy living in the garden of England (that’s irony for those of you wondering), but I must admit even I was struggling to draw any lyrical running inspiration. I suspect i’s probably due to the lack of swangin n****** and bad b****** on the riverside at this time of the morning.

Anyway onwards to the next session and let’s see if I can make this one a little easier on myself.

Run Rating : 

So the day that every C25K hopeful dreads had finally come, the 20 minute run. I was so close to calling it off. My left knee wasn’t 100%, more to do with weeding in the garden than the running.

That and I have a habit of slouching on the couch when using my laptop (often with a cat keeping me company), I know it’s terrible posture as I’ll often get off the sofa and my back will go twang.

Well having done a couple of hours of work on the laptop first thing I went to get off the couch and TWANG, tried to walk it off getting ready and my back went several more times. I’m thinking my knee, my back maybe I should call it off, my old body is betraying me.

Or more likely it’s just trying to pull a sickie. I thought bollocks to it, I can’t fail before I even get out of the door. By the time I got to the field lo and behold my body had got over it, cheeky bugger! How am I supposed to spot a real injury when even my own body is pulling this bullshit.

So into the usual once round the field extended warm up, they’ve mowed the entire field again, no drag from grass it’s a sign! Not many people out here, apart from two lady’s showing me how it should be done. One of them an older robust lady was literally going at my walking pace, so I slowed down a bit not to catch her up. She then turned off the field and headed into the hills I realised she was doing the whole park, christ total respect. Time to get this show on the road and maybe one day I’ll get off this field too.

I’m running through my mental preparation in the last minute of the warmup walk. I had scoured the C25K forums for W5D3 tips and one of the useful ones was to break the 20m into 4×5 min runs and just run each 5 minutes at a time. That along with the most important tip, START SLOW. I wasn’t as nervous as I had been before other runs for some reason, almost no butterflies. So with one Last “You can do it” from Laura we get into it.

The first 5 minute mark went past surprisingly quickly, in fact it caught me out when Laura announced it (I wasn’t expecting her to chime in). I just focussed on the mechanics of running and staying in the moment (i.e. avoid pondering all the possible failure scenarios). The cause was not helped by a lovely Labrador repeatedly throwing his ball in my path in the hope I might throw it for him, sorry Lad I didn’t sign up for touching my toes as well today.

I got to the 8 minute mark and had to consciously stop myself from thinking about the fact it was the furthest I had run, because I could feel my brain trying to use it as an excuse.

At the 10 minute mark with  Laura helpfully pointing out I was half way, I started to feel the oh so familiar feeling of nausea rising and I knew it could undo the whole run. So, I had chat with my body (literally an internal dialogue) to get on and do whatever it took to sort it out, because I wasn’t going to stop therefore what purpose was it serving? It seemed to do the job and it eased off. I knew the 15 minute mark was doable at that point, if I could just avoid that digging deep feeling for as long as possible.

I had built the 15 minute mark up in my mind, it was a place I couldn’t imagine what it would be like and for that reason it worried me. Now I was there staring it in the face I realised it wasn’t some new level of hell, but just the same as the last minute of every new run I had ever made. Nothing new, out here that can’t be managed by pacing and focus.

Laura chimes in with 5 minutes to go, “you can do this” (she hasn’t been wrong yet). I knew I wasn’t going to fail by this point I had found a sustainable pace, it might not be fast or pretty but it was getting the job done. My brain helpfully calculated the finishing line as 3/4 of the way round the field, and I knew I could hold on for that long no matter how bad it got. So the only question was going to be how bad could it get.

I was doing perfectly fine (not quite skipping along) up to the 18 minute marker, again just focussing on keeping everything steady, I could start to feel fatigue creeping in at the edges. and I had to remind my body about another pang of nausea, and again it abated. Then Laura chimes in with 2 minutes to go, no chance of failing at this point, but as always it seems to be a trigger to my body to start losing form, in the last minute I’ve gone from totally in control to hanging on, and I know the change is purely mental at this point not a physical limitation.

“You’re done you can slow down”, Laura chimes in and it’s over. I’m panting and staggering around, but I’m wondering what all the fuss was about. And that in a nutshell is obviously the purpose of this 20m shock run, and now I get it. In fact I’m slightly annoyed I let myself turn the last minute into more of a struggle than it needed to be, I’ll need to work on that.

I read every forum trying to understand what exactly the mindset change is that obviously must occur in this 20 minute run, in the hope I could intellectualise my way to acquiring the knowledge. But I’m afraid this is not something that you can read and understand without getting out there and experiencing it. I read it time and time again across all the forums, “the only thing holding you back is your own mind”. I understand those words, but I don’t think it’s possible to understand their meaning without first hand experience. Now I’ve been there I truly KNOW the only barrier out there in that field was me, and a lab that wants someone to throw his ball.

There are many reasons I decided to start writing a journal about my C25K experience, but for me personally I realised in the first week that C25K was going to be more of a mental battle than physical. I was stunned in the first 3 sessions how my mindset changed, a process that continued week after week and it’s that change that intrigued me. I wanted to document it, because when your on the wrong side of it, it really is impossible to understand how the next milestone is achievable.

As always as soon as I’d caught my breath, my first thought is about the next run and for the first time in the program I can look all the way out to the remaining 4 weeks and I know they won’t be any harder than the mountain I now stand atop of. Next week goes back to interval running and it feels like a holiday.

You can tell how worried I was about this run by the fact it’s the only one I felt I needed to put a 30m playlist together of tracks that had helped me over the weeks. I wasn’t going to leave it to chance this time. I also chucked in a couple of new tracks that should get me across the line.

Lose Yourself – Eminem

I deliberately made this the first track of the run, it’s literally about getting your shit together, getting in the zone and seizing what you want. If anything is going to get me in the right frame of mind, this should do it:

Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity 
To seize everything you ever wanted 
One moment 
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

Fairly obvious, seize the moment and get this run done.

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy 
There’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti 
He’s nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready 

Yep, good chance I’m going to have all of these symptoms in the next 20 minutes. But I just need to keep it under control steady pace.

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment 
You own it, you better never let it go 
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow 
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime

I keep banging on about it, but the most useful mental tip I’ve learnt on this program, is just to remain in the moment, listen to the music and don’t let go in terms of losing focus/form. To be fair this is hardly my last shot, I can do this as many times as it takes, BUT I am here now and I see no reason to fail, so I’ll take THIS one.

Great track first 3 minutes have flown by, also helped my the distraction and sheer joy of a lab.

Flames – Sia

I’m a big Sia fan but I have to say this track feels like pure commercialisation, it might as well be sponsored by a fitness firm or gym. Either way it’s hands down the most on point running track I’ve heard so far, there’s no real need for translation:

One foot in front of the other babe
One breath leads to another yeah
Just keep moving, oh
Look within for the strength today
Listen out for the voice to say
Just keep moving, oh

Something tells me that Sia’s done a few miles.

Go, go, go
Figure it out, figure it out, but don’t stop moving
Go, go, go
Figure it out, figure it out, you can do this

Are you shitting me, honestly the C25k app people need to think about licensing this track.

Don’t stop, tomorrow’s another day
Don’t stop, tomorrow you’ll feel no pain
Just keep moving, oh
Don’t stop the past’ll trip you up
You know, right now’s gotta be enough
Just keep moving

I was listening to this somewhere around the 8-10 minute mark, at my point of greatest doubt and there was a second where I almost convinced myself it wasn’t going to be today. Not much chance of that with Sia screaming encouragement from the side lines though.

So 4 weeks left, 2 days of interval runs and then it’s ever increasing single runs up to the target of 30 minutes. I’ve no doubt there’s challenges out there, I’ve seen enough posts from people post week 5 struggling to know there still be dragons but now I know they are all in my mind.

Run Rating : 

I had a lot on today, so I decided I was going to get up and go do the session in the local park first thing. The previous day had been exceptionally hot (for the uk) this morning it was decidedly cooler and overcast. Perfect running conditions.

I was confident I could do the first 8 minutes, the second 8 minutes not so much. I’d know after the first 8 minute run how deep I’d have dug and only then really understand.

Turns out 8 minutes at my pace roughly translates into twice round the park, which was decidedly empty apart from a couple of dog walkers, one lady walking for exercise and an old boy having a smoke on one of the benches. Well at least I had one audience member for this mornings performance.

I got to the half way mark fairly easily (given the previous 5 minute runs), just kept a steady pace and kept plodding away at it and in no time at all Laura was saying it was the last 60 seconds. I’m starting to have mixed feelings about these final minute announcements. One part of me thinks yeah I can hold on for 60 seconds and the other half seems to take it as a cue to start slacking off on form. I’m starting to think it’s not wholly because of fatigue.

Recovery time was about 90 seconds, my feet where aching as always but on the whole I didn’t feel that bad. The 5 minute recovery period was more than I needed, even my feet had even stopped aching.

The first half of the second 8 minute run was fairly easy, legs were heavier than the first run but my form was under control. When Laura gave the half way call, I knew I was going to make it but I also knew it was going to get tough.

Sure enough the last 90 seconds and I’m really starting to feel it, my breathing is starting to get messy, followed inevitably by my old friend rising nausea. I’m starting to dig in and it’s not fun. There’s no doubt I’m going to finish, I’m not going to fail so close to the end and ruin all the good work, but the last 30 seconds was decidedly unpleasant. Not helped by the fact I’m trying to push myself by not slowing down, in the hope it’ll count in the next session.

Laura finally chirps in after what seems like an age and I slip back into a post-run stagger. Took me about 3 minutes to recover after this trip back into hell. As always, there’s no celebration, no mental pat on the back my mind is already starting to figure out what today’s performance means for the next session. The big 2 – 0!

It still seems like a step too far. I’ve climbed the foothills and it’s taken 5 weeks to get here but that 20 minute target sits there like Everest, towering above everything I’ve achieved to date. I tell myself that it’s only 4 more minute’s than today’s run and try to to ignore the annoying voice pointing out the fact it took a halfway 5 minute walk to achieve that.

Part of me knows the truth, I’ve got at best 15 mins (and probably less) if I perfectly pace myself, but that last 5 minutes (or more) is going to be somewhere I don’t think I’ve been before, and experience tells me it’s probably not going to be fun. We’ll find out on Friday one way or another. Note to self start slow! The only positive thought is if I can do 20 minutes then I can definitely do 30 minutes, so the rest of the program should get easier.

Today’s playlist is curtesy of Peter Gabriel who’s back catalogue seems to have finally turned up on Amazon’s music service. Over the years the number of albums I’ve had that weren’t available on digital services has slowly dwindled, after the Beatles, PG had been the last artist, so it’s been a while. Anyway picked my favourites and shoved them into an hour long playlist about to get the “running” re-interpretation:

The Rhythm of the Heat

Was the featured track for most of the first run. I love this track, more for it’s frenetic tribal drumming, it’s a great pace maker, of course that doesn’t stop the lyrics being twisted:

The land here is strong
Strong beneath my feet
It feeds on the blood
It feeds on the heat

For strong read unyielding, I’m doing a rare run on tarmac, I’m pretty sure I’m leaving bloody foot prints on the asphalt.

Self-conscious, uncertain
I’m showered with the dust
The spirit enters into me
And I submit to trust

Self-conscious and uncertain, err check and check. Dust, well it was the hottest day of the year so far yesterday, for my purposes I’m running through a desert. I submit to trust, yup I’m trusting that Laura isn’t going to kill me.

Wallflower

This kicked in about 2 minutes into the last 8 minute run and my brain picked up on every word of potential encouragement:

Let your spirit stay unbroken, may you not be deterred
Hold on, you have gambled with your own life
You face the night alone
…..
They do not see the road to freedom
That you build with flesh and bone

Pete is right on message and with perfect timing and it’s a message that doesn’t need translation. Given my age and fitness levels he’s not far off about gambling with my life.

You want to resist them, you do your best
They take you to your limits, they take you beyond
For all that they are doing there’s no way to respond
Hold on, hold on

The “them” in this context is the clamouring of thoughts that want me to quit. I’m certainly beyond my limits by this point, my stomach is making that very clear and the only response is to hold on, I don’t need to respond – keep a steady pace. Stay on target.

Though you may disappear, you’re not forgotten here
And I will say to you, I will do what I can do
You may disappear, you’re not forgotten here
And I will say you you, I will do what I can do
And I will do what I can do
I will do what I can do

I can guarantee you there’ll be one old man smoking on a bench who won’t forget what he saw here today, it’ll be a subject of amusement down the pub for sure. But, I will do what I can do, which is finish this bloody run.

So onwards and upwards, it’s time to get the climbing gear out, there’s a mountain that needs climbing.

Run Rating : 

 

I was a number of weeks into the C25K program when a friend of mine who was starting C25K, asked me if I was running or jogging? I must admit the question stumped me, I had been calling it running, it was a running program, wasn’t it? But I had to admit it didn’t feel like I was “running”.

Needless to say I ended up googling the situation and it appears there is a very clear definition.

• Walking is defined as <= 4 mph
• Jogging is > 4 mph < 6 mph
• Running is >= 6 mph

I hadn’t bothered measuring my speed (what was the point), that was until I got to the first 20m run (W5R3) and I used the Endomodo app to track my progress. My first 20m run clocked in at 5.2 mph which would translate into almost 36 minutes to do the 5k. I’m guessing that will improve over the second half of the program, and it’s certainly not a huge concern at the moment.

I suspect I won’t be hitting the 6.2 mph target required to achieve the 5k in the 30m target on my first full run, but then I don’t think many do. As far as I’m concerned if you are out on the field pushing yourself in any form you are better off than the people still sitting on the couch.

TODO: Insert a simpler chart based on this data

The next two weeks appear to be the ones where I transform from a caterpillar to a butterfly. Going from 5m to 20 mins and onto 25 mins. Reading other peoples feedback, post W5D3 they actually started to hate having to walk in week 6. That is either a sign of madness or a complete mindset change and one I can’t quite fathom at this point in time.

That said, I have enjoyed the longer runs over the shorter ones, but that’s mainly because there are fewer of them, so maybe there’s a trend that this week should crystallise.

Well let’s start with I screwed up thinking I was running day 2 today (i.e. 2x8m). Somehow I skipped over this run, what a let off. I know I can run 5 minutes, 3 of them with 3 minute breaks, yeah I can do that. Beautiful summer day in the garden of England, it doesn’t get any better. Did the usual once round the field to take it all in.

The first run went well. I was only just starting to feel it and breath heavy by the end (last 30 secs). Recovery time was about 90 seconds. So I actually had a full 90 seconds to get my self ready for the second run, great!

The second run, again not bad starting to get a bit fatigued/laboured in the last minute. Recovery time was again a little over 90 seconds. Looks like this fitness thing might actually be real.

Third run, didn’t need to attack it mentally, it’s just a matter of fact I will finish it, because it’s only the same again. Last minute was a little tough, I was slowing and only at this point did I feel a few seconds of nausea. It’s a feeling I’m start to associate with digging deep – stretching myself, the bit where it counts. Recovery time probably a little over 2 minutes. Job done!

Physically not that bad. I’m still perplexed why my feet hurt during the walks, I don’t feel it as much when I’m running but when I stop, it’s like my shoes are 3 sizes too small. It’s nowhere near as bad as it was in the early days, but it’s odd that they hurt more when I walk than when I run, given the stress of running. No other aches or pains to speak off.

Mentally it didn’t take much effort, it did help getting the wrong day for sure. No visit to the interrogation room, I find just focussing on a steady, efficient rhythm, not wasting effort and trying to avoid too many stray thoughts helps. In the middle of the 3rd 5 minute run I did think to myself where is that wave of mental/physical agony I usually have to fight through?

I did have an internal dialogue with my brain/body that went … “you just run and do your thing and only tell me about it if there’s a REAL problem. I’ll be over here keeping an eye on things. Stop telling me about all the little niggles because nothing short of losing a leg is going to compel me to stop, so you just need to deal with it”. I seemed to get the message, on the whole.

So all in all, today’s run was pretty easy (relatively speaking), on par with the last run. Now let’s see what happens with these 8 minute runs, because that’ll be a real test of my mental/physical conditioning.

Today’s play list was just one of the many random playlists I have on my phone, shoved on shuffle, so totally random:

Road Rage – Catatonia

If there’s one song that sums up my mind set in life at the moment it’s Road Rage. I’ve reached a point in my life where I don’t need to work to just live anymore, after spending 20 years living and breathing work in the City of London. It has left something of a vacuum, and left me wondering just what it is “I” want to be doing. It’s actually been a question I’ve yet to answer to my satisfaction, when your career has defined your entire life so completely for so long, it’s difficult to see beyond it.

Cerys Matthews vocals makes this track something special, and there’s just something about how she’s says RRRAGE I love.

*You, you’ve been racing through the best days.*
*Space age, road rage, fast lane,*

Pretty much sums up all the missed sunny days stuck in the office working on mission critical IT projects (i.e. all very space age). When running it’s a reminder to me to be grateful, that I’m out in the sun doing something I want to do. All those years of looking out the window wishing I was outside enjoying it.

*And if all you’ve got to do today is find peace of mind*
*Come here, you can take a piece of mine.*

A very basic truth, ALL I have to do in my life is have peace of mind. I don’t have to meet other peoples expectations I just have to be happy! More importantly in the context of this run “peace of mind” is just focus on maintaining an efficient pace.

*You could be taking it easy on yourself*
*You SHOULD be making it easy on yourself*

More reminders to slow down and pace myself, it’s not a race. Too quick now and you’ll pay for it later (later of course being 3 minutes away).

*But as all you’ve got to lose, alludes to yesterday,*
*Yesterday’s through, now do anything you please.*

Another reminder that previous runs (and my old career) is in the past and it’s up to me what I do now – i.e. I will finish this bloody run for starters!

Teenage Wasteground – The Who

I must have listened to this track a thousand times without analysing the lyrics, but today it’s getting the “running” treatment:

*Out here in the fields*
*I fight for my meals*
*I get my back into my living*
*I don’t need to fight*
*To prove I’m right*

Well I’m in this field, I haven’t eaten breakfast but as soon as I’m done here I’m having a meal. I don’t have to fight, yet another reminder to pace myself. It’s not a fight I don’t need the adrenaline, it’s an exercise in avoidance not fight or flight.

*Don’t cry*
*Don’t raise your eye*
*It’s only teenage wasteland*

Just DO IT! Keep your head down and get through this wasteland. Yea okay, it was a lovely meadow a minute ago, now it’s a lava strewn burning cinder for my purposes. Crack on.

Skyscraper – Demi Lovato

Into the 2nd minute of the last run, deep in new territory and what we really need is a power ballad. I’ve not heard this track much, don’t even remember adding it, but it’s a cracker. The chorus kicks in:

*You can take everything I have!*
*You can break everything I am!*
*Like I’m made of glass,*
*Like I’m made of paper…*
*Go on and try to tear me down,*
*I will be rising from the ground*
*Like a skyscraper!*

Yeah that’s the good stuff right there, it just needs a chant of “Rocky” on the end. It has the desired effect I there is no way I’m giving up, even if I am wondering if the c25k app has crashed, surely Laura should be telling me I’m half way already!

*Go run, run, run!*
*I’m gonna stay right here*
*Watch you disappear, yeah!*
*Go run, run, run!*
*Yeah, it’s a long way down,*
*But I am closer to the clouds up here!*

Nothing is going to give you more incentive to run than a song that actually tells you to run. Just need to attenuate the adrenaline rush and the jobs a good ’un.

Roll on the next session.

Run Rating : 

Having done quite a few sessions now I thought I’d summarise my observations of the types of people I meet when out and about. One of my big concerns when starting C25K was what other people would think about a sweaty middle age man trying to give himself a heart attack.

What you realise fairly quickly is that no one gives a shit. You could literally be on fire and all you will get is a nod from some bloke walking his retired whippet. But if nothing than for my own amusement I stereotype them into the following groups, these are sweeping generalisations:

Dog walkers (casual)

These are the people I pass the most. They are the group of people who honestly give the least amount of f***s. Most of them spend all their time out in this park. Occasionally you’ll get one who wants to talk but for the most part they want to get their chore done and get back home. The bottom line is if they stopped to talk to everyone they passed their 30 minute daily routine would take an hour. Worst still if you were to pass out in front of them it could really waste a morning. So they really don’t want to engage with you in any way.

Dog walkers (professional)

I am amazed by the sheer number of professional dog walkers. When did that become a thing? If I run between 10-11am there are more professional dog walkers than amateurs (is that now a thing as well?). Each of them walking anywhere between 3 and 8 dogs. Needless to say they are more worried about managing their pack than giving your passing a moment’s thought.

I have a fairly low opinion of the more successful dog walkers (let’s call them). Those pushing the number beyond half a dozen and are clearly beyond their abilities. I tend to think it’s become more about the money, and my general observation is they really aren’t fully in control in many instances. So I am a bit more careful passing them, in case I punt someone’s prized Chihuahua into the long grass.

Runners

You rapidly discover, there are two types of runners, what I think of as noobs and real runners, and yes I know there’s a group of people who’ll feel the need to point out if you aren’t walking you’re running. So I’ll classify real runners as those who are obviously post c25k.

You learn to tell the difference within a few sessions, but early on I assumed everyone was a “real” runner only to see them pull up five yards after passing me and start walking. I share your pain.

I see far more noobs, than real runners which is a little bit of a concern, because either people aren’t following through on the program or they go to some running heaven I’m not allowed in yet. Running around in a country park that is particularly hilly, the real runners I come across are the hardcore folk who like to get off road. Very inspiring seeing one dance up the side of a steep hill at a faster pace than I am doing on the flat.

Walkers

As with runners, there are two types of walkers. Joe public out for the day, I don’t see too many of these to be fair at least not in this country park, most likely because I avoid using it at  the weekends. You can generally spot them by their backpacks and leisurely pace.

Then you have your hardcore walkers, you know the ones with sticks, that usually travel in packs. These are the only group of people I hate to see. Why? They all look pretty fit (must be something to all that stick waggling) and in most instances they are walking quicker than I am running. So they are reminder that I’m not a “real” runner, yet!

For some reason I also feel they resent me for running. I don’t know if it’s because I have it in my mind that many of them used to be “real” runners until their knees gave out or simply because when I’m leaving the field they’ll have finished their warm up. Part-timer!

TEENAGERS

I hate to see teenagers, having been one, way back in the day I know what a bunch of lads with nothing to do hanging out in a park are generally just looking for trouble. Needless to say my pre-conceptions are completely out of date with the reality of being a modern teenager.

For starters, no teenager would ever be caught in a country park from what I can see, I’ve never seen one alone or in a pack (I suspect it’s do with the terrible phone signal). They do appear in small packs in the local park but obviously not before early evening (some things don’t change). The majority have mobile phones and generally sit in groups instant messaging each other using this weeks hip chat app. The only way you’d typically get a teenagers attention is if there’s a bad 4G signal or they’ve run out of bandwidth for the month. Given the great deals these days that’s going to be relatively rare.

So in a nutshell, none of these groups of people give a damn about you and what your doing, it turns out you are not the centre of the universe. Shocking I know but get over it and go running!